Fic: There Will Be No Divorce Chapter 4/15
Author: Lola Lauriestein
Rating: This chapter PG, overall up to NC17
Pairing: House/Cuddy
Spoilers: Everything up to Wilson's Heart, we're going to have to ignore s5 though, sorry!
Disclaimer: not-not-mine, House et al belong to David Shore, Fox etc. The song lyrics of the Mountain Goats belong to them, and if I could write like John Darnielle, I'd die happy.
Summary: The sequel to ‘No Children’, which you can read in its entirety here. How will House and Cuddy cope with pregnancy, therapy and the world getting in their way? Big and scary events in their lives threaten to screw everything up.
With eternal thanks to my wonderful beta
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lucyvanflick who makes sense of madness on a frequent basis.“Our love has never had a leg to stand on
From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils”
"Old College Try", The Mountain Goats
Cuddy could feel her will to live slowly ebbing away. She’d tried everything short of smelling salts to maintain her interest in the conversation, but the receiver at her ear continued to spew forth only the most terminally boring words and she could feel her eyes slipping close.
Just as she thought she was going to lapse into a coma, the flash of white outside her office doors signalled a welcome interruption. Wilson stood on the other side of her office doors, a brief wave to announce his presence.
Cuddy motioned for him to come in with all the desperation of a drowning person finally spotting a lifeboat. He entered cautiously, frowning slightly as he heard her lying to the excruciating Mrs. Hayes that Dr. Wilson had just come rushing in with a life-threatening emergency. Shrugging, he took a seat in front of her desk and waited patiently as she finally negotiated an ending to the telephone call from hell.
“Another complaint?”
She shook her head, and felt her left hand drifting to her stomach out of habit. She drummed a disjointed rhythm with her fingers, something House had been doing over the past couple of weeks, only with rhythm in his case. He claimed it was never too early to teach offspring how to rock, one of his many child-rearing pronouncements that left her wondering if he’d ever actually encountered a baby before.
Wilson shifted uncomfortably in his seat, drawing her attention back to him.
“What brings you here, Dr. Wilson?”
She asked formally, but saw him responding to the smile she couldn’t seem to keep off her face lately.
“I just wanted to, uh, that is well I… just wanted to see how you were doing?”
His stumbling attempt at a question triggered her suspicious side, but she answered evenly.
“I’m good. Nowhere near as exhausted, and I can make it down a corridor without dashing to the restroom every ten yards.”
“Well you look good. And the baby?”
Cuddy was glad of a chance to hold forth on her new favorite topic. Her parents would only fuss over her health; her sister couldn’t feign interest very convincingly, and House simply teased her about getting fat most of the time. Wilson was the only other person who knew, though the curious glances she’d been getting over the past few weeks meant that probably wouldn’t be the case for long.
So she regaled him with all the pleasing facts she had at her disposal, confessing that she was a little desperate to feel the baby’s first movements now that she was past 16 weeks; it was usually earlier in women with slim frames. Cuddy noticed Wilson’s eyes begin to glaze over when she started on plans for the nursery, and she remembered that he really only had patience for the girly crap when he was after something. When she did stop, with an apologetic smile, Wilson jumped in like he was worried he would miss his chance.
“And House? How are things with him?”
“You probably know as much as I do. He tells you everything.”
Cuddy still couldn’t bring herself to discuss the ‘relationship’ she had with House. The previous night he’d brought up the topic of moving in with her, in his own oblique way. Beyond that, she wasn’t sure how to define it. She knew she was in love with him, but didn’t dare expect that he’d ever feel the same in return. So many good things had been sabotaged by her need to define, to push things beyond their natural limits. With House, she was happy to just be with him; perhaps the impending motherhood was keeping her too busy to question it.
“He did come to talk to me yesterday, actually. You’ll be pleased to know he has at least three disgusting new euphemisms for pregnancy.”
Cuddy laughed at that, given that most of them had been tried out on her until she rolled her eyes so hard she was concerned they would get stuck that way.
“Yes, he does seem bizarrely proud of himself. I’m surprised how okay he’s been with it all, actually. I could live without the fat jokes and Alien references though.”
Wilson was fussing with his tie, a sure sign that he had something on his conscience. Oh, great, what had House said to him now?
“He uh, said he’s having some pain problems. Reckons the program is too hard on him, regulating his medication too much.”
Cuddy cocked an eyebrow at the revelation. She had of course noticed the struggle House was having without his constant stream of Vicodin, but he hadn’t actually complained about the cause of it. He simply went to his physio appointments with his usual grumpy demeanor and seemed especially grateful when he did take his reduced amounts of Vicodin at regular intervals.
“He has been suffering lately, but he’s always in pain. It should get more manageable though, it’s already better than it was.”
“Cuddy, he uh…. He asked me to write him a prescription. He wants more Vicodin than he’s getting.”
There was no mistaking the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Cuddy felt the tears, so easy to come by these days, welling up as she considered what Wilson had just confessed. Although she’d warned herself not to build up expectations, she had gotten used to the idea of House getting better, of not being so reliant on narcotics. It hadn’t been a condition for them being together, nor had she made it one for him being in their child’s life. He had been the one to start this, to continue for eight long and hard months.
“The pain is really bad, Wilson. Part of the reason he resisted this sort of treatment in the past is that they treat for what your pain level should be, rather than what it is. Maybe he just can’t take it anymore.”
Old habits really did die hard. There she was covering for him again.
“That may be true, Cuddy, but it sounds a lot like how all this started before. He could be undoing all the work he’s put in so far.”
Wilson stood and came round the desk to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Cuddy shrugged it off, not wanting the contact.
“I’ll talk to him. There might be something else we can try, ask Dr. Ramirez if there’s any adjustment that can be made to his treatment plan.”
Wilson nodded and made his way cautiously out of her office, waiting for her to call him back and demand a shoulder to cry on. When he had cleared the clinic exit, Cuddy made a swift dash for her bathroom and allowed the tears to come.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
House took up his usual inconvenient post just in front of the ER admissions desk. Cameron couldn’t help but notice him there, and once she noticed him, she would make a beeline for him like she always did.
It took only three minutes to prove himself right. Hardly a personal best, but it amused him all the same. He summoned his best hangdog expression as Cameron approached with her customary sunshine and rainbows greeting. Ignoring her questions, he ploughed straight ahead with his own agenda.
“Need a consult. You’re the best crappy doctor I know, so can you find us a quiet little room?”
Cameron began to protest, but he could see for himself that the ER was enjoying one of its irregular lulls in patient traffic. The staff were collectively catching their breath before the next accident or fight came rolling up to the doors. With a sigh, she marched off in the direction of her office and jerked her head slightly to indicate that he should follow.
He’d been meaning to break into her office and snoop for a while now, but with the irritating newbies and the medically necessary trips to the ER, the chance hadn’t yet presented itself. House had to confess that he hadn’t expected the bleak and businesslike tone of the place, all neat filing and clear, empty surfaces. He’s always seen Cameron as being more the family photographs and cuddly toy souvenirs type. Her fingers tapping impatiently on her desk brought him back to why he was there in the first place.
“I need you to write me a prescription.”
“For what?”
He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily at the stupidity of the question.
“Contraceptive pills. What do you think I need a prescription for?”
Cameron leaned back in her chair, fingers clasped primly across her abdomen.
“You’re not seriously here asking me for Vicodin?”
House nodded, trying to play the whole situation down.
“I’ve been having too much exertion lately, and the stupid program has me on a minimal dose that just about covers half a day of laying in bed.”
“Your dosage is just fine. Lower than the insane amounts you were taking when I worked for you, but enough to cover daily activities.”
House pointed an accusing finger at his former employee.
“How do you know what my dosage is or isn’t?”
Cameron squirmed uncomfortably at his question, but still managed to meet his glare.
“You think you’re the only one who can breach the computer system? I was curious; I wanted to see how you were doing. I also noticed that Dr. Cuddy is listed as your emergency contact person.”
The undertone of accusation sent him into a tailspin of panic. Cuddy had insisted they be discreet around the hospital; only Wilson and their families were aware of anything going on between them. She was going to be thoroughly pissed if Cameron dropped them into the gossip mill before Cuddy felt like telling people.
“She’s a friend, it’s not like there were many other people I could put on there.”
Cameron was clearly unsatisfied with his response.
“Well, as her friend, you might want to tell her to lay off the junk food. She’s certainly been putting on a little bit of weight lately.”
He gripped his cane handle so tightly at that comment that he was concerned it would snap.
It was one thing for people to gossip about him sleeping with Cuddy. After all, those rumors had been doing the rounds for years. But father of the baby was an elevation in status that would keep the gossip hounds baying for blood for months. Not to mention that he wasn’t wild about everyone knowing he was going to be a father, he hadn’t entirely adjusted to the freaky notion himself.
“Well, she always did have a gigantic ass. Maybe her metabolism is letting the rest of her body keep up.”
Their eyes locked in a stalemate of non-admission. He wouldn’t be the one to confirm anything, and damn Cameron for having learned something about observing humans in those three years she’d worked for him. As the air in the room began to reverberate with the tension of stubbornness, Cameron finally conceded by looking away.
“Relax, House. I think it’s great that you finally let someone into your life. I know you’re not going to admit anything, but there won’t be any gossip coming from me.”
He stood to leave, embarrassed and angry. As he turned towards the door, he heard a sheet of paper being torn from a pad.
”Here, take it. If nothing else, I’m glad you still felt you could come to me. Sometimes one woman can’t give you everything you need.”
The flirtatious tone in her voice sent alarm bells ringing, and House wanted to yell at her that Cuddy was more than enough for him, that he wouldn’t want to put her in the position of prescribing for him. But the sad truth of it was that he wanted the drugs more than he wanted to defend Cuddy’s honor. He wanted to not be hurting like this any more, get back a little of the oblivion he had been so used to.
He muttered what could plausibly have been a “thank you” and stepped out into the hallway, glad to be free of the office’s confinement.
It was only a few minutes’ walk to the pharmacy on the ground floor, but he opted for the smaller one on the third floor, not wanting to risk entering Cuddy’s domain. As he made his slow progress along the corridors and waited impatiently in the elevator, he maintained his mantra that he needed these drugs; that the pain was too much to handle.
Ten steps away from the pharmacy counter, he thought of Cuddy and the beaming smile she’d given him after telling him about her pregnancy. He thought in the same moment of his mother on her deathbed and his legs almost gave way at the engulfing sadness.
There was a reason he’d stopped popping these damn pills like Tic-Tacs, in fact there was more than one good reason. It was his unspoken promise to Cuddy, when he’d held her hair back on her first bout of morning sickness. Though it had hurt to crouch there with her, he had stayed; afterwards medicating with only the rations that Dr. Ramirez had allowed him.
He considered all of that, all the promises he’d made and vowed that he wouldn’t break this time. House weighed the expectations of the few people he loved like against the pounding, stretching ache in his right thigh.
With a sigh, he took a step forward.
And then another one.